What is normal?

For 27 years I was on a train that never stopped, not to refuel, or conduct an engine check.  This train was fast moving with no clear destination.  When you are juggling a family, working, and travelling extensively for work like I was, we do not slow down enough to step outside of our environment and take an objective view.  Add loyalty, pride, and a fear of failure in the mix it is even harder. 

Now I am on the other side and can look at my situation through a different set of lenses, what stands out to me is how I normalised behaviour's which were far from normal. 

The train I was on needed to stop, refuel, and have the professionals come on board to help with an engine check.  I needed someone to ask how I was, how am I coping, how are my children and what wrap around support can we provide the family.  The professionals knew what I was dealing with daily and none of it was normal nor healthy. I needed someone to help me understand this and put the appropriate support in place and this was something I never received or made aware if it was available.  I was in my early 20s when my journey started and if I had the right professional guidance back then I may not have fallen into unhealthy patterns of normalising.

Because mental health is under resourced and not able to cope with the growing demand, by default they too are normalising behaviours.  Mental health is complex, and the trained professionals are not able to spend the appropriate time with people, it has become a patch and dispatch system and even then, you are lucky if you get that level of help.   Therefore, I am driven to speak up about this subject, as all stakeholders are normalising mental health and while we continue to accept this, we will continue to have high suicide rates in this country, and it will continue to move through generations.

I would encourage everyone to look at their environment and check in on a semi regular basis and ask yourself, am I normalising behaviours that are not normal.  I was which meant I was subconsciously endorsing and approving that it was ok when it was not. I had an internal battle with this in the earlier days of my separation, which I can now consciously look at with clarity and have reached a place of finding peace with it.

None of us want to admit that our situation is unhealthy, and, in my situation, I did not see how unhealthy it was until I had got off the train and worked through my grief. 

My story is only my version, I appreciate there are many versions out there. My focus is to be an advocate for the supporting family members, this should not take away from the support that is desperately needed for those suffering with a mental health illness.