My Story

This is a personal story, and it is taking a ton of courage to put this out there, but I know that it’s one that needs to be spoken about as far too often we stay silent and that is the opposite of what we should be doing. I have learnt that staying silent is self-destructive, does not create change and nobody wins from it.

I had to make decisions no person should ever have to make in terms of accessing respite and psychiatric units to keep someone safe from themselves. Thousands of dollars were spent on treatment as mental health is well known to be under funded. I was across all the appointments with mental health, and this is where my biggest gripe is with the system. Mental health has a far wider impact than on the individual themselves and yet there is so much emphasis on listening to the unwell person instead of taking a holistic approach of listening to those who are directly supporting the person. I am sure if this were looked at more seriously, they would get to a diagnosis much faster and then provide the appropriate support to all parties and prevent many suicides and this illness moving through generations.

In August 2018, a traumatic event happened in our home (to which there were many this was just the defining one), which will sit with me forever and is what catapulted me into a state of reality. This event was a week out from my daughters 21st birthday party and two weeks from a work conference I was leading. It stole the enjoyment of helping my daughter move out of home and celebrating her birthday. This event also meant my other daughter removed herself from the home and I suddenly became a grieving mum. Being the silent girl that I had become I dragged myself to work every day and did my best to soldier on. I will be forever grateful for those at work who did know what happened because work was all I had so it became my place of safety and support. However, I eventually had to walk away from that as I had no fight left in me and I needed to take time out to properly heal.

It should never have been like this, this event should never have happened for several reasons, but ultimately, it is because the public and private system failed all of us and it failed us many years ago. The event in August 2018 should have resulted in having victim support for my daughters and I and that was never offered. This is where the system lets people down and is the main reason, I am sharing this story and with an inner passion to find a solution.

On the 16th of September 2018 I made the heart-breaking decision to put myself first and walk away from a 27-year marriage where overtime I was subjected to abusive and toxic behaviours. I say heart breaking because despite the journey this was someone I had deeply loved, and I only ever wanted the best for and for them to get well. I could barely pick myself back up let alone try and do that for someone else, so the hard choice had to be made. Through those first 6 months there were many times that I nearly failed but deep down I knew that I had to stay the course, sit in the mess, and work my way through it as it would mean I could be a better mother and person and I owed it to myself to be happy. Because I had disconnected myself from people over the years, I was the most alone and vulnerable I had ever been in my whole life. I have very little family around me due to geographical reasons, so it was a time where I had to rely on my own inner strength and dig deep to pull myself out of what was a dark and lonely place.

By staying silent it nearly destroyed me and I am proud to say that I am now working towards a better future. But it has not been easy, it has come at a cost and that is the trauma and scars that will always sit with me, which will bubble away and regurgitate itself as I move through new experiences. As a wise lady recently said to me “It’s like hitting a bruise, sometimes it’s going to hurt as situations happen and it will take us back to that place of pain”.

It is now three years on, and I am proud to say that I have my groove back and on the journey of remembering who I am, and this lady is fun, cheeky, has a dry sense of humour and possibly a bit stroppy at times and although that stroppiness is not always pretty it is what got me through 27 years and through to today. I have learnt I have a ton of empathy, warmth, and an amazing amount of understanding of people. I have re-established myself and made new friendships and reconnected with some that were lost along the way. These are the people who I love and cherish and will be my forever friends.  Most importantly I am a change maker and I understand that now more than I ever have. I understand my journey and what my purpose is, and it is time to put my experience to good use and create change in a way that has a much bigger impact than me.

I am sharing my story because my burning platform is to stop being silent, speak up, advocate for change, and support other people who like me have been impacted by mental health. I want to connect with not the person who has mental health issues, but those who are in a similar situation to what I was. This is important as there is no real support for families who are supporting a loved one who is unwell. These people are equally as important and are overlooked, being overlooked is simply not ok and they also need to have support. In my 27-year journey not once did anyone from mental health direct me on what support was available to me and my family, it was only ever available to the unwell person and even that was limited and mostly we had to fund it ourselves. If I had been provided with the right support, I then could have better supported my whole family and potentially not become another statistic.

This story is not to discriminate people with mental health issues, it is to find a way to ensure there are better systems in place for them and their support network and to keep the conversations moving so change can be made.

"It takes courage to live through suffering; and it takes honesty to observe it"

C.S. Lewis